Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Grover Vs. Jasper: The Showdown

My brother wants me to compare my cat to his, I think hoping that it will end up being a matchup of the titans. But instead this is closer to the Dream Team vs. Redeem Team argument that bloggers keep bringing up, where people keep ignoring that one of these teams almost lost to a team that started a 17-year old point guard in a game where Marc Gasol (!) was the best big man on the floor, whereas the other team featured Bird, Magic, and Jordan right around their primes. In short, it's not a real argument worth having. Neither is this one (not that comparing cats would ever really be an argument worth having). Still...

Let's do it.

Category One: Name Selection
Jasper's full name is Jasper McBook. His first name taken from a cat character in Patricia C. Wrede's Dealing With Dragons series, one of my all-time favorites, his last is from the fact that a series of expensive surgeries the cat suddenly required (one neutering plus four following surgeries to fix the problems that happened) eliminated all of my laptop budget. Grover's full name is Grover Cleveland, our 22nd and 24th president.
Advantage: Grover. Nobody names cats after lesser known presidents with impressive mustaches anymore.

Category Two: Vitality
Jasper spends his days trying to claw my legs apart and his nights running wildly around chasing plastic bags across the floor. Grover is now in his golden years and so spends his days like this:

Advantage: Jasper by a landslide. Though my legs could use a break.

Category Three: Wiliness.
Jasper sometimes tries to sneak up on me. From the front. While I'm looking at him. And then he seems really amazed when I manage to grab him and toss him away. And he tries sneaking up on me in the exact same manner. Grover, meanwhile, once managed to trap one of my brothers under a Christmas tree and claw at his face for a solid six or seven seconds. Admittedly, it was JA who he trapped.
Advantage: Grover by a landslide.

Category Four: Fighting prowess.
As we've determined, Grover is wily. Still, fighting is all Jasper does. It's how he spends his days. It's how he greets new people. It's how he shows affection. It's... actually.... all he ever does. Here's a standard picture of Jasper:

My camera has no zoom, so that picture is actually taken about seven inches from Jasper's face. He didn't notice.
Advantage: Jasper.

Category Five: Personality.
Grover has a clear personality - he's ornery and should never, ever be antagonized, which is why it's great to see JA interact with him, since antagonizing is the ideal way he interacts with anyone. Jasper, meanwhile, is nothing but personality. He's so eager to play that if I haven't gotten up in time, he starts meowing and headbutting the door until I get up. When I do get up, he wraps himself around my legs and gnaws as I brush my teeth and gather my keys until I leave for work. He's nothing but personality.

Maybe too much personality.
Advantage: Jasper.

So, as you see, a clear victory for Jasper. Just as I predicted.

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At October 22, 2008 8:25 AM, Blogger Erin said...

lol...hilarious. My cat has both of yours beat, though.

At October 24, 2008 5:25 PM, Blogger Renee said...

sorry - "Jacklehops" aka "Jack" wins all...

At October 24, 2008 11:23 PM, Blogger veela-valoom said...

Awww...I know I'm a nerd but I love to hear when people talk about their pets. I'm such a pet-nerd.

And if you know me, I always have more pet stories so I'll refrain. (though I spent about half an hour trying to convince my dog to cuddle with me...)

(OH, and Veela-Valoom is all over the web)

Oh I see everyone else is saying their pet would win. I think my escape artist of a dog (not Bandit, Sandy) takes top prize of all pets for oddity. We can't figure out HOW she keeps getting out.

At October 25, 2008 11:13 PM, Blogger Assistant Village Idiot said...

No, oddity we've got covered. We did have a normal dog once, years ago. And the dachshunds have been normal for dachsunds. I wouldn't say we are too high up on the best pet category, though.

At October 25, 2008 11:38 PM, Blogger Erin said...

I knew a dog once who would dislocate his shoulder to get out of his lead! Now there's a dog who REALLY doesn't want to be with his family!

Willow can leap onto the bathroom counter (waist height), prefers to drink from the sink, plays for hours in the bathtub, has an obsession with paper clips and pens/pencils, changes color pretty much weekly, recognizes basic words, and almost gives a high-five on her own (we're still working on it). And she's only 4 1/2 months old. Who knew cats were so entertaining!

At October 27, 2008 8:38 PM, Blogger Becs said...

Actually, just the other day I was thinking about how I wanted a pet that I could name after a lesser-known president! In my mind I was leaning towards Millard Fillmore or possibly Chester A. Arthur. Although now that I'm re-mulling, Rutherford B. Hayes would also make a fine cat name...

At October 28, 2008 8:22 PM, Blogger Erin said...

Renee & I still believe Mr. Darcy is the way to go w/ a male cat.

At October 29, 2008 12:29 AM, Blogger Wyman said...

What a surprise, everyone showed up to say that their pet is actually superior. I never would have called that.

At October 29, 2008 5:15 PM, Blogger Jonathan said...

I'm showing up to agree with you- Jasper is better.

BTW- test word is "zingwort."


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