Always Got It: Shooting Script
FADE IN:INT. COFFEESHOP - DAY
RICH, a preppy-looking twenty-something in designer clothes and a slightly too-hip hairstyle, is sitting and apparently reading the New York Times. As he sits, MINDY, a shy, slightly bookish-looking intellectual, sits down with a cup of coffee and a book on the other side of the restaurant. RICH looks over and is startled to see her.
RICH (VO)
Woah. She’s back. Alright. You know how this plays, Shaquille. Keep it cool. Start working the magic.
RICH slouches down in his chair, sprawls his legs out, and arches one eyebrow over at MINDY.
RICH (VO)
I’m about to bag me a filly.
RICH looks towards MINDY, hesitates, then coughs once. MINDY glances up. RICH gives her the eye, then looks away spastically. He scans his newspaper like a lawyer reviewing a brief.
RICH (VO)
Rock solid.
MINDY (VO)
What the devil?
MINDY tries to focus on her book. She looks slightly perturbed.
RICH (VO)
Okay, time to raise the stakes. This is Vegas, baby – and this house always wins.
RICH deliberately knocks some newspaper onto the floor. He bends down to get it, his eyebrow raised, his eyes never leaving MINDY. As a result, he is unable to see where the newspaper is. He begins pawing the ground for it blindly. MINDY glances up. RICH gives her a look that utterly fails to be smouldering – instead, he looks something like a perverted weasel. He picks up a paper and opens it with great nonchalance. MINDY moves everything on the table to block her view of RICH and desperately pretends to still read her book.
RICH (VO)
Alright, Kemosabe. She’s eating out of your hand. Make your move.
MINDY (VO)
It’s like watching a Chihuahua try to mate with a Great Dane.
MINDY pauses, then looks out between the items on the table to see RICH is now unbuttoning several buttons of his shirt. MINDY blanches.
MINDY (VO)
Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee, blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb.
RICH (VO)
Okay, err on the side of caution here. You can’t give it away all at once. Even the world’s studliest stud’s got to know his… uh… limitations.
RICH begins to fluff out individual chest hairs from the opening in his shirt. He looks over at MINDY to find she has now lain her head down on the table. She tries to still show interest in her book.
RICH (VO)
Okay, mariachi, time to read the body language. I’m pretty sure she’s trying to send me a message. No, wait – I am sure.
RICH looks again. MINDY has now covered her head with her arms.
MINDY (VO)
This is the position rangers recommend to ward off bear attacks. Please get the picture.
RICH (VO)
C’mon, Bogie. Great lovers like Cassanova could read a girl like dough. The smallest detail means something. Focus.
MINDY has now abandoned interest in her book and placed it over her head.
MINDY (VO)
Do not come over here.
RICH (VO)
Go with your gut, Schwarzenegger. It’s time to engage.
RICH stands up, sweeping the chair back with a flourish. The chair falls over. RICH hesitates, then turns around and picks up the chair.
MINDY (VO)
Please let that be the sound of him leaving.
RICH sits back down, stands back up, then swaggers over to MINDY’s table. He reaches the table and looms over MINDY, suddenly uncertain. MINDY peeks out from under the book to see if the coast is clear. MINDY stares at RICK. RICK stares at MINDY. He has clearly forgotten what he was going to say.
RICH (VO)
Holy pudding and biscuits.
MINDY (VO)
Please have something to say. Oh, sweet Moses, he’s going to just stand there.
RICH (VO)
Say something! Anything! Quick! Don’t just stand here looking hot!
MINDY (VO)
I wonder, if I made a run for it, if I’d make it to the door before he caught me.
RICH (VO)
New plan! Evasive action!
RICH makes a break for the door, knocking the chair across from MINDY over. A few moments pass, then RICK reappears, rights the chair, then exits again. MINDY stares as he leaves, completely shell-shocked.
EXT. COFFEESHOP – DAY
RICK stands outside, freaking out. He paces wildly, waving his hands, kicking things, generally freaking out.
RICK (VO)
What happened? You had it! The light was on in her eyes. And you blew it! Hardcore! Like a sucker – you loser! Aw, c’mon you stupid – aw, c’mon, what the – c’mon!
RICH pauses in frustration, then catches sight of himself in a window. He stares at himself longingly. Just then, a BEAUTIFUL GIRL walks by. He watches at her for a moment, looks back at the mirror, and primps a little. He smiles and winks at himself in the reflection.
RICH (VO)
Aw, who you kiddin’, man? You still got it. You always got it.
FADE OUT
posted by Ben Wyman @ 2:06 AM
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