As Woody Allen said, the heart wants what it wants. So, why are you here?

New Years Resolution

I'm sort of nervous about the idea of actually posting on the site, as if putting in a real post somehow crosses an invisible line: "If you post this, you can't go back - you can't ever go back. And, what's more, they're all going to read this post, raise their eyebrows, click away and never come back." It's quite debilitating. It's the same feeling as when you're staring at the phone and the scrawled number written on a slip of paper on your hand and trying to talk yourself into actually dialing the number. "C'mon, old boy, you can do it... y'know what, I'll get something to drink first, check the e-mail, then I'll call."

Alright, maybe it's not that bad. I'm awfully phone-shy.

Between posting, e-mails, and the personal opinions of my family members (100% in favor of "Weasels"), the voting on the blog name stands dead even. Please vote, so my younger brother does not end up being the deciding vote.

While I'm clearing the air of all my insecurities, I'll make a list of my resolutions for the coming year, called "Things That I Will Not Spend Too Much Time Thinking About." Ever the optimist, after each section I'll put a timeline on how long I think each one is likely to last:

1. Filmmaking - I spent the last month of the semester working on a film for my Digital Field Production class. Every second I was not working on the film, I spent thinking about the film, obsessing over details, and during a period where I did not sleep for three days while working through the night on the film, almost made myself physically sick. This semester I'll be working on two films and a documentary, all working with partners. If I'm not grounded, I'm going to drive everyone insane and really tick off everyone I'm working with. Then, in the fall, I'll be going to LA to intern at a movie studio and that'll be even worse and I need to lie down. (3 weeks)
   
2. Going Bald - It happens to the best of us. Except for those lucky buggers who don't have the problem, and seem determined to point the fact out: "Hey, Wyman, you're going bald out here in the back. Did you know that? I bet you'll be bald in a couple years!" (However soon after midnight I see a mirror)
   
3. Girls - Oh, come on. Like you've never made the same resolution. (However soon after midnight I see a girl)
4. My Heart Condition - I have a heart condition so unheard of the heart specialists have no idea what it could be. They want to write me up in a medical journal so other doctors can also have no idea what it is. The only thing they can think of is that it might be is a disease in which your heart, for no apparent reason, just stops beating. It's concerning. (Next time I feel ill in any way)
   
5. This Blog - See, as you can tell, I've already invested too much time worrying about what you, the reader, who somehow made it this far, thinks. I think this one should pan out, though. I'll admit that for a while, I'll probably post each time with some trepidation as the the reader's opinion: "A list? My first post is list? Nobody reads lists! " (Tuesday)
6. Myself - Well, it's a nice sentiment, anyway. (Hmm... if I avoid all mirrors...)
   

That should cover it. Despite the fact that my resolutions may be a touch out of reach (This is nothing. You should've seen last year when I tried to give up sarcasm for Lent.), I'm hopeful for '05. Heck, it's a new year. You haven't made a fool of yourself in front of people you want to impress yet, or blown it with that girl that you keep hoping to get a chance with, or anything. You've got a clean slate. Go enjoy it. Happy New Year.

posted by Ben Wyman @ 4:12 PM