Saturday, October 07, 2006

New Rules for Soundtracks

Enough people have put forth issues that responding by comment would just be too long. I have thought about it and I have laid down my law - here are the new rules for making "The Soundtracks To My Life."

First, Bethany was correct to state that foreign language songs are to be treated very, very carefully. Anyone putting down a song to which he or she does not know the translation of, nor has any strong ties to the country that speaks this language, is to be treated with disdain and - if possible - derision. Therefore, Rule 12, "The Foreign Language Rule," is now in effect. You are not allowed to "really like that song" and therefore put it in. You are allowed to put a song in that ties you back to a country that you spent some time in - perhaps a semester abroad, or a long mission trip. However, if the total amount of time spent in said country is under 3 weeks, you cannot use one of their songs in order to look well-traveled. Yes, as always, exceptions can be made in extreme circumstances.

Remember, people, most people do have a Smitty song in their collection if they grew up in the church anytime in the 80's or 90's. No shame, everyone.

Jonathan, unless you have one doozy of a story that involves Braveheart's "Freedom" theme and how you rescued a family of dalmation puppies from a combo hurricane/warehouse fire - no, you cannot have any of the Braveheart soundtrack on your list. I'm pounding the gavel here. I mean, it's James Horner, for Pete's sake. Keep this up and I'll ban James Horner too. Don't think I hadn't already thought about it.

The TV theme song rule is also in effect. Even if you spent your entire early twenties watching Friends with your roommate, you cannot use the Rembrandts on your soundtrack. I know it sounds mean-spirited, but it's a tacky choice and doesn't say much for you. How badly do you want David Schwimmer to define you? (note: you are allowed to use Postal Service's "Such Great Heights" only if you knew about it before both Grey's Anatomy and Garden State).

As per request, "Dammit (I Guess This Is Growing Up)" is approved.

No. No. Absolutely not. No one can use Rocky. If I let one person use it, everyone would want to, and three quarters of males thirty to sixty would use the theme in their soundtrack. Rocky is out. It's done.

Should you have a situation where you have an artist who was with a band, later went solo and put out some different sounding stuff, you are allowed to use one song of each in a list of ten. Should your list exceed ten, you are not allowed to add another song by the artist in either set-up until the list reaches at least... 16. For example, you can use one Ben Folds song and one Ben Folds Five song in a list of ten. When the list climbs past ten, two Ben Folds songs are allowed, but the Ben Folds Five track has to then drop out until sixteen.

7 Comments:

At October 08, 2006 1:42 PM, Anonymous akafred said...

Ben, thanks for being willing to reconsider Rocky. I'll await your final decision.

 
At October 08, 2006 6:18 PM, Blogger Jonathan Wyman said...

Don't tell me you've never heard my dalmation puppy story!

 
At October 09, 2006 2:01 PM, Blogger Wyman said...

Thanks, Dennis, I'm always willing to oblige. Sometime later I'll get my opinions together and start being less wishy-washy.

 
At October 12, 2006 9:51 PM, Anonymous Michael said...

Ben, for your upcoming road trip, I would suggest "Running on Empty" by Jackson Browne, "Truckin" by the Grateful Dead or "Ridin down the Highway" by the Doobie Brothers.

 
At October 13, 2006 6:30 PM, Anonymous Laura said...

you, sir, apparently don't read your Facebook messages, because I definitely already sent you a message in the exact same vein, respectfully demanding that I see you on Sunday.

For the record, I sent it yesterday at 1:35 pm, almost 12 hours before you posted on my blog. Go check Facebook, silly boy. :-P

(in case you couldn't tell, that's a definite yes)

 
At October 16, 2006 6:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about "Have you ever seen rain?" by CCR?
Welcome to the Dirty Third.

 
At October 24, 2006 11:05 PM, Anonymous clayfriar said...

You hear Ben Folds is going to be here next week?

Lucky you.

 

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