As Woody Allen said, the heart wants what it wants. So, why are you here?

Jive, turkey!

Peracchio transcribed my last post into "jive," which I've always thought is slang for a certain sort of black dialect, but as I can best figure it in this context, means "how black people talk in 70's cop movies." I giggled for hours after reading it, and then started to worry about what kind of crazy time he had on his hands to develop this. But someone was in my office chatting with me and said "oh, they've got translators for that sort of thing online." So I ran a search and found some, and was relieved that Peracchio's new job giving press releases about vein disorders (really) hadn't exploded his head after all. Then I started trying translating myself. Here's a best of list for the best translations of the following phrase:

It's just more information for the consumer. So if 101 Dalmations or Peter Pan is now an R-rated film, who really cares? Parents can still buy the films and show it to their kids.

Cockney
"It's just more information for the bloomin' consumer. So if 101 Dalmations or Peter Pan is now an R-rated film, right, 'oo right cares, eh, luv? Parents can still buy the chuffin' films and show it ter ffeir kids. Yer can't 'ave a knees-up wivout a joanna."

Redneck
It's jest mo'e info'mashun fo' th' consoomr. So eff'n 101 Dalmashuns o' Peter Pan is now an R-rated film, who pow'ful cares? Parents kin still buy th' films an' show it t'their kids.

Jive
Man! It's plum mo'e info'mashun fo' de consumer. Ah be baaad... So's if 101 Dalmashuns o' Liva' Lips Pan be now an R-rated film, who real cares? Parents kin still steal de films and show it t'deir kids.

Elmer Fudd
It's just mowe infowmation fow the consumew. So if 101 Dawmations ow Petew Pan is now an W-wated fiwm, who weawwy cawes? Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! Pawents can stiww buy the fiwms and show it to theiw kids.

And, my personal favorite.

Swedish Chef
Um de hur de hur de hur. It's joost mure-a inffurmeshun fur zee cunsoomer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Su iff 101 Delmeshuns oor Peter Pun is noo un R-reted feelm, vhu reelly ceres? Perents cun steell booy zee feelms und shoo it tu zeeur keeds. Um gesh dee bork, bork!

That is all.

posted by Ben Wyman @ 3:50 PM